Becoming My Own Kind of Powerful

7/17/20256 min read

“It’s really easy to be around you because you have this feminine essence that’s very powerful but not in your face.” – A dear male friend told me recently.

He wasn’t trying to flatter me – just reflecting something he truly felt. And it stayed with me. It meant he could feel my feminine power, and he wasn’t intimidated by it. He felt safe and easy around it.

It made me feel genuinely seen, because that is how I want to be felt. Powerful, but soft. Strong, yet safe. Still, hearing it named so clearly was new for me, and it landed deeply.

I’ve been growing into this version of myself – into a kind of power that feels rooted and relaxed. A power that doesn’t push or perform, but simply is. I haven’t always felt this way. I spent many years not recognizing that power in myself at all. So his reflection meant something. It mirrored a shift I’ve been feeling inside, and reminded me that others can feel it too.

And it got me thinking about how many different flavors of feminine power there really are. How they can look, feel, and express so differently.

Today, that thought returned to me as one of my peers from the VITA™ coaching world announced she had just graduated as a professional femdom. And the thing is… she is truly a natural-born femdom. From the moment I met her, I felt it. She has this bold, unapologetic, commanding energy. She’s in charge. She owns a room. And yes – her power intimidated me.

A Presence That Filled the Room

We met as roommates at a VITA™ Coaches reunion in Sweden last summer. Let’s call her Donna.

Our first encounter wasn’t smooth. I had just created a Finnish-style sauna ritual – something sacred and emotional for me. I wasn’t prepared to do it, but I felt honored to be asked, because sauna is an inherent part of my native Finnish culture. I might write a post about it one day, but now back to the story.

I was feeling tender that evening. This was my first time attending the reunion – and I was brand new, just certified, surrounded by seasoned feminine empowerment coaches, sexuality coaches, tantra facilitators, and other embodiment practitioners from around the world. There were 19 powerful queens from eleven different countries – most of them used to leading workshops, holding rituals, owning the space. I didn’t know anyone yet. And suddenly I was offering something deeply personal and cultural, something I hadn’t planned to share. Of course I wanted to be liked. I wanted to be accepted. I wanted my offering to be received with reverence.

I spent the day planning spells and gathering birch branches to make some vihtas* – like I had done as a child with my aunts and grandparents. It brought back many childhood memories, and I cried while making them, feeling the weight and beauty of lineage, of being the one to carry something old and sacred forward.

Later that night, after I had led the ritual, I left the sauna – and just outside the building, I bumped into Donna, who was just arriving.

“Oh, are you just coming to the sauna? You missed the spells,” I said – probably with some disappointment in my voice.

And she snapped in a way that felt somehow aggressive to me: “Well, can I still come?... You’re making me feel bad about this.”

Her tone was sharp. It caught me off guard. I apologized immediately, feeling like a little girl who had done something wrong. The strange thing was – we hadn’t even spoken yet. It was the very first day of the reunion, and this was the first moment we had interacted. But her presence was big. Fierce. Dominant. And I, though decades older, suddenly felt very small.

When the Fire Goddess Felt Small

She apologized later, saying she’d just had a tough phone call. But the energy of our first encounter somehow stayed with the dynamics throughout the retreat. I felt intimidated around her – and I noticed how strange that felt. I’m 58. I’ve lived a full life. I’ve raised children, run businesses, lived in five countries on three continents, survived illness, heartbreaks, reinvention. I should feel like a queen. I want to. It’s about time I step into my queen energy and power.

And yet… next to her, I felt like a child.
Although agewise I could be her mother.

At the end of the week long reunion, I shared this with her – how weird it had felt to be so affected. And how I don't want to feel small, how it's about time I feel like a queen and not an insecure little girl. She seemed surprised.

“But you do have power,” she said. “You’re so good with fire.”

It makes me laugh to even write this. But it’s true – I had been the one lighting the sauna each day, and even the fireplace in the shala, which was notoriously difficult to light up or keep going. They called me the Fire Goddess. I accepted the name with a smile, even if it felt a little funny – because it’s not like I play with fire. I tend to it. I read it gently, quietly and devotionally.

What's Waiting to be Remembered?

Yesterday, almost a year later, Donna announced that she had officially graduated as a professional femdom. When I saw her message and her new Insta-profile, I thought: Yes. Of course. This is exactly who she is. It fits perfectly.

I sent her a message saying:
“Wow! 😍🔥 You’re a natural-born femdom without a single doubt.”

To which she responded:
“Yes Laura I feel the same, thank you for reflecting that. The journey has been so liberating for me… now looking back at my life I see the natural Dominance I’ve always had actually, but up until now hadn’t found that delicious right fit…”

That’s when something turned inside me. Because for her, dominance has always been there, waiting to be named. Waiting to be claimed. And that’s why her power now feels so true and so fully hers. But what about me? What power in me is waiting to be remembered?

I’ve spent a lifetime adapting, pleasing, playing and feeling small, trying to make others comfortable. Living through patterns of people-pleasing and over-accommodation. And often trying to hide my insecurity by acting overly secure.

And that brings me to a deeper question: Even though I’ve been acting that way most of my life… was it ever really me? Or was it just survival? A way to stay safe, to belong?

And honestly – did it even make anyone truly comfortable?

Because the more I grow into my own truth, the more I sense that what actually puts others at ease… is being in the presence of someone who is real. Someone grounded in themselves. Someone who doesn’t shrink, but radiates from within.

My Flavor of Power

When I look beneath all the old conditioning, I know I’m strong. I know I carry a presence. But it’s not the kind that takes over a room. It’s quieter. It doesn’t need to lead or follow. It just is.

I don’t want to dominate. And maybe I don’t want to submit either. I don’t want to define myself by those polarities. But at the same time… maybe I would like to explore them. Maybe I’m curious. Maybe there’s something to be discovered in playing with those archetypes – not as fixed identities, but as energies that move through us, teach us and open us. But that’s a whole other conversation and a whole other blog post.

What I know for now is this: I want to be deeply rooted in my own truth. To be powerful in a way that’s easeful, loving, and unmistakably mine. To live and love from a place that isn’t trying to be anything – just allowing what’s real to move through me.

During the retreat, Donna once quoted someone in her workshop:
“The strongest woman in the room is the softest woman in the room.”

That line really touched me. Because yes – softness is strength. Presence is power. And that’s the kind of power I want to embody.

That’s my flavor of power.

With love,
❤️ Laura

And to Donna, if you're reading this:

Thank you for being a mirror and a catalyst. For walking your path boldly and inspiring others to do the same. I’m cheering for you – and for every woman rising into her own embodied, unapologetic power. 💫❤️🔥

* Vihta is a bundle of fresh birch branches (sometimes mixed with herbs) traditionally used in Finnish sauna. They’re soaked and used to beat and bathe the body – to cleanse, invigorate, and drive out illness or unwanted energies. In ancient times, they were often used with spells and blessings for health and protection.

Me at the doorway of that same sauna. This was from the final day of the reunion, during our "sexy clean-up party" – dominantly commanded by none other than Donna herself 💪🔥😅. A lighter, cheekier flavor of feminine power. And so much fun.