Learning to Love Myself

Who am I to Love Myself?

For a long time, I believed that love – true, unconditional love – was something to be found. That the right person, the right connection, would finally make me feel whole.

I thought love was something to receive rather than something I cultivate within myself. I wanted to know I was enough for someone else, and longed to be held in love without conditions.

But here’s what I’ve come to realize: If I don’t love myself, no amount of love from others will ever be enough. I will always be craving, seeking validation, trying to fill a void that can only be filled from within.

The truth is, we attract the quality of love we are ready to receive. And if we don’t love ourselves, we aren’t truly ready for love – we may mistake attachment for connection, validation for intimacy, or find ourselves in relationships that mirror our own self-doubt.

The love we long for the most – the kind that holds us in our darkest moments, that reassures us when we feel small, that tells us we are enough – can only come from within. Until we give ourselves that love, we will always feel like something is missing.

This doesn’t mean love from others isn’t beautiful, valuable, and even healing. But it can never replace the relationship we have with ourselves. When we love ourselves, we stop seeking from desperation. We stop fearing abandonment. We stop needing someone else to complete us – because we finally understand: we were never incomplete to begin with.

Learning to love myself wasn’t a single moment of realization – it’s an ongoing journey of unlearning, redefining, and choosing myself again and again. Along the way, I’ve discovered some powerful lessons that I’d like to share with you.

1. Self-Love is Not Selfish

Let’s clear this up right away: Self-love and selfishness are not the same.

In my native language, Finnish, the word itserakkaus literally translates to “selfishness.” There isn’t even a single word for self-love – we have to say "loving oneself" to make it clear.

And that says something. It reflects how misunderstood self-love has been, not just in my culture but in many others.

For years, I believed that prioritizing my own well-being, setting boundaries, taking time for myself, or saying "no" were acts of selfishness. I thought they would make me unlikable, unlovable, self-centered.

But even beyond that, I carried a deep sense of guilt. With so much suffering and injustice in the world, who was I to focus on my own well-being? Who was I to seek joy, success, or abundance when others had so little? I felt guilty for my privileges, for any advantage I had, as if fully embracing my own happiness was somehow taking away from others.

I see now how misplaced that guilt was. Because self-love doesn’t take from anyone – it adds. When we take care of ourselves, we have more to give. When we honor our own worth, we inspire others to do the same. The world doesn’t become better through more suffering – it becomes better through more love.

True self-love isn’t about putting yourself above others. It’s about knowing that you matter too. That your well-being isn’t optional. That when you take care of yourself, you show up more fully for others – not from depletion, but from abundance.

2. Saying “No” is a Superpower

One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is that “no” is not a dirty word.

Every time you say “yes” to something that drains you, you are saying “no” to something that could nourish you. Learning to set boundaries isn’t about rejecting others – it’s about protecting your energy and honoring your needs.

Next time you feel tempted to say “yes” out of guilt or obligation, pause and ask yourself: Is this serving me? Am I acting from love or fear?

3. Self-Compassion Over Self-Criticism

Self-love isn’t about perfection. It’s about being kind to yourself, especially in your imperfect moments.

For years, my inner critic ran the show. I would tear myself down for every little mistake, always expecting myself to be better, do better, be more.

But if you wouldn’t say it to a friend, why say it to yourself?

The way you speak to yourself shapes the way you feel about yourself. And the way you feel about yourself shapes everything—your confidence, your choices, your energy, and the way you show up in the world.

4. Nurture Yourself Daily

Self-love isn’t a grand, dramatic act. It’s a series of small, consistent choices that remind you that you matter.

It’s checking in with yourself: What do I need right now?

Sometimes it’s rest. Sometimes it’s movement. Sometimes it’s simply a quiet moment to breathe. Listening to yourself and honoring your needs – this is the essence of self-love.

5. Redefine Strength

I used to think strength meant pushing through, enduring, never stopping. But I’ve come to see it differently.

True strength is knowing when to pause. It’s having the courage to say, "I deserve better," and the wisdom to act on that belief. Strength isn’t about carrying the weight of the world – it’s about knowing when to set it down.

But strength is also softness. It’s the ability to be vulnerable, to open your heart instead of building walls, to trust rather than control. There’s a quote that resonates deeply with me:

"The strongest woman in the room is the softest woman in the room."

Because real strength isn’t about hardness. It’s about resilience. It’s about standing in your truth while staying open, allowing yourself to feel, to receive, to surrender.

6. Celebrate Your Sexuality

Your sexuality is your life force – a vibrant energy that connects you to your body, your joy, your creativity.

For too long, society has shamed and suppressed sexuality, especially for women. But pleasure is your birthright. Reconnecting with your sexuality is a powerful act of self-love. It’s not about performance or meeting expectations – it’s about honoring your body, your desires, and your unique expression.

Start small. Dance, savor, touch, explore. Not for anyone else, but for yourself. When you connect with your sensuality, you awaken your inner power, creativity, and confidence.

Your sexuality is a source of healing and joy. Celebrate it. Let it remind you of your wholeness and worth.

Self-Love is a Daily Practice

If you take one thing away from this post, let it be this: Self-love is not a destination. It’s not something you achieve and then check off your to-do list. It’s a daily practice – a series of choices that remind you of your worth.

So start today. Say "no" to one thing that doesn’t serve you. Say "yes" to one thing that does. Speak to yourself with kindness, honor your needs, and trust that you are worthy of love – not because of what you do, but because of who you are.

Take a moment to ask yourself: What’s one small act of self-love I can practice today?

It doesn’t have to be big or dramatic – self-love is in the daily moments of care, presence, and kindness.

Take care of your precious self. The world needs you – your joy, your light, your love. And it all starts with how you treat yourself.

❤️ Laura


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Self Pleasure Vs Masturbation

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